i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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