i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
