did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And then he peed in my hair
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