his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
