just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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