omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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