What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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