No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
