maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
