I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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