After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
