I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
