At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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