I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
