I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
