No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
