areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
