If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
