ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
