Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
