I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
