so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
