In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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