Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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