My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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