i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
cat food counts as protein by the way
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
