Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
