u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
