would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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