how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
