Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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