I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
