Christians are straight up FREAKS
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
