Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
