Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
