So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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