she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
