make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
