just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
