Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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