why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
