i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
