she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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