Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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