Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
