p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
