I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i now understand why vodka
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
