genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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