HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
