You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
