Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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