Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
